What Does Fashion Mean to Me?

I have always loved dresses and clothes ever since I could remember. Playing with Barbie’s and Bratz dolls is what I remember the most of before I started secondary school. I would spend hours collecting my best outfits while dressing up my favourite doll of the time. I gave my favourite doll all the outfits because I saw her as the future me. I wanted her to have all the wonderful things. All the best sparkly, shiny things that made her feel special. 

Maybe it’s because I had a hatred of being made to wear jeans and t-shirts when I’d rather wear skirts as a kid. But self expression through clothing felt empowering even when I was five years old. Or maybe I feel nostalgic for the time I played with dolls because I didn’t feel poor at that time in my life. When I stopped playing with them, I think it was around the time I moved house. You lose the joy of playing when you’re constantly packing and unpacking. We moved to a bigger house that we only stayed in for a year (I think) because of money troubles. Only to have to be put into council temporary accommodation for the next seven years. Moving around constantly with no secure guarantee of anything. 

Once I started earning my own money, clothes were the thing I bought most. It was so easy to buy things that made me feel closer to the dream I had as a child. Even if my parents tried to stifle anything I found interest in, clothes were the one thing they couldn’t take away from me because I fundamentally needed something to wear. They weren’t going to buy my clothes anymore; it would be a waste of their time and money convincing me to wear something they deemed normal. 

Moving out from their house gave me the most freedom I had ever felt when it came to fashion. For the first time in my life I could dress without being treated with disappointment or disdain before I’d even walked out the door. That felt like freedom. To be something other than what they wanted. To actually take ownership of myself. Going to a social event feeling a new sense of confidence. 

Fashion to me is self expression. Self expression that has had a significant impact on my idea of freedom. So even though I am still learning to embrace this feeling, I’ll keep experimenting until my style feels natural.